Hey there good club members. It’s Gia Paloma here. So my report is a little late, my dog ate all my notes and I had to spend numerous hours blowing the editor for him to share the tapes so that I might recap all the sex that went down. I sit here before you, scratching off dried semen from my face, and think of how lucky I am to share with you my thoughts on primadonna beauties, excellent craft services, and the blooming flower of Daisy. Oh, and how to avoid a reality TV show camera. Not to mention that truly, diamonds are found in the roughest of locations. Take the studio rental for example. In the meat packing district of Downtown LA, our crew found a sparkle surrounded by lavish renaissance and gothic tapestries, paintings, church benches, high ceilings, storybook sunlight, and of course, the worlds most beautiful naked women, sucking cock.

Its 8:45 am, and I was supposed to be in the make up chair going through my transformation process of looking like a whore, not just acting like one, fifteen minutes ago. That part of acting like a whore? Well, that’s sort of why I was late. I was on the welcoming team for Naughty America’s newest director, Tommy Pistol. So after he gave me a serving of cream, I made his coffee, and we went to work. Roxy DeVille, my wife, greets me with her stunning smile and pussy soft lips. Wow. Just when you think life is good to you, it gets better. And better, a spicy surprise is to my left, Daisy, is being prepped for her scene with Sergio. Roxy and I are taking what the industry calls “Pretty Girls”. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Pretty girl in front of a camera. Click! There you have it. We are dolled up in shiny black latex and red satin bras. Big heels, perfectly pedicured toes, and a south-of-the border (if you follow) reflective lip-gloss. After an hour of playing in front of the camera, Brett the photographer thinks we got “the shot” for our glossies. My wife and I will be seated side by side at Erotica LA, in the Naughty America House; waiting to sign autographs and take pictures with you that your wife or girlfriend can never see. We highly suggest something of the more POV angle. When she does find it on your myspace page, you can blame it on your brother. “Genetics, that’s why his cock looks just like mine” is always a good one. You can’t argue with science.

Roxy and I finish each other off and its time for Daisy to get it on. Tommy is going over the scripts with everyone in the big dining room. A long, hand carved wooden table, with opposing high backed thrones placed before the rustling of gauzed curtains gives a sort of prefaced ethereal vibe to the room. Only when Daisy sits in her pink cardigan, and denim skirt, with her long, caramel stems going on for eternity is it confirmed that Toto, we are no longer in Kansas. If only for another forty minutes, we are in heaven. Or so I thought. By the time everything is rolling for Diary of a Nanny, Tommy walks on set, his pants are off and it looks like he shoved some kind of foreign object down his faded boxer briefs. Sleeveless shirt, hat twisted to the side, he starts in with a mouth that only the mother of a Guido could love. He hands the applicants Sergio and Daisy their paperwork, tells them not to fuck with his muscular milk, and that he on his way to the gym. Tommy throws his jeans back on, and resumes directing, in his normal voice straight outta Queens. Daisy teases Sergio about being not a nanny but a manny, and Sergio dazzles her with his ability to balance a bottle in his hand. When Daisy shows him her ability, milk shoots out of the bottle, onto her bare cupcake tits. The scenes a good one. For someone so jaded, but still hypersexual, it’s impressive to watch a scene through its entirety, without a yawn. There were so many times where I just wanted to jump in and play with both Sergio and Daisy. Jeez the willpower it took. She puts Sergio in a headlock with her leg while she lays on her back, grinding her pussy into his mouth. In the foreground is a milk bottle. Subliminal advertisement for birth control possibly? Hmm. He shoves in his cock. At one point the lubes needed, the secret signal is made and Nate, the production assistant, dives in under the camera, sliding into second base, pouring the lube into Sergio’s hand, and he carries it home to her vagina. After a couple more minutes they slide into a cowgirl, which is amazing. Daisy’s ass looks like a caramel pumpkin. Her ass isn’t spray-tan orange or anything; it just has the feel of a very large, rounded, defined, and firm organic object. Pumpkin was the first thing that came to mind. Please, make a better comparison and send it in. This glazed gift gobbles the cock with her pursed pussy. The reality show guy arrives and I hide behind a gargoyle nearby after saying hello. Maybe if I dust it later, this winged, clawed creature will protect me somehow from being seen by the camera. I haven’t yet adjusted to being in front of the camera with my clothes on. There’s something very unnatural about it all. It seems as though Tommy’s new motto around here is “live fast, fuck hard, and end the scene before it ends you”. The actors are starting to seem a little tired and hungry. Tommy calls for a pop. “You’re such a professional, that I want you’re resume all over my face” Daisy begs of Sergio. As the last drop of cum hits her smiling doll face, it’s as if it tripped some kind of alarm and the boss is walking in. Cut. At least her resume is completely filled. Alright, time to go rub one out before Roxy DeVille and Audrey Bitoni start humping James Deen.

I’m now on the second set and Roxy is telling her story of Jenna Haze and the Flirt for Free shoot. While Jenna was gloating in her own sexiness, Roxy began feeling a little nauseous and to sooth this feeling, she demanded a foot in her twat-pronto. What a girl. She tells this tale during the stills, in the coined “Double Decker Pussy Sandwich” position, holding up Audrey Bitoni as James Deen slides between pussies and Red photographs them. Everyone is hyped by how well the first scene went. Depeche Mode coos in the distance. The sun is shining and the pussies are too. Let’s get to the fuckin’! Cameraman John walks in, and asks if it’s a girl- girl scene, not noticing James Deen, now buried beneath the kittens. Brett lifts him up by the waist for a better view, lamenting on how Bitoni has never succeed in an orgasm, or a cock in her perfect ass. I quietly wish that today goes down in history as Bitoni’s first orgasm, and just as important, her first anal. Its time to begin. Brett does a quick run through with everyone and the girls begin their dialogue of last night’s party and their hot neighbor. But what was he talking about? Double-Decker Pussy Sandwich?! These girls have fucked every walking thing in the San Fernando Valley and they haven’t yet experienced this? The only solution to this foreboding mystery is to call him and find out, in person. Bitoni is having a hard time speaking without looking at Roxy, which to me speaks volumes of her character. More things that speak volumes of Bitoni, her primadonna attitude. After multiple takes and screeches for water, lectures on how she can’t have her ears show, and don’t you dare fuck with my teased -around –the- crown hair, the scene starts with a double blow job. While Bitoni is a pain in the ass, she makes up for it in the sack. I’m back to being on the pretty girl’s side again. She and Roxy compete for stardom in the scene. Roxy, who is known for stealing the show, keeps up the whole crew’s cocks, with her lip lock around the cock, and massive cock insertion via her vagina abilities. Bitoni moans and sucks titties. So far so good. They get into their first DDPS position. Awesome. So smooth. We break shortly after.

Brett, Roxy and I converse on the rules of blowing ass around significant others. A good rule of thumb to follow as far as that goes. When clothed, perfectly acceptable, when naked, don’t even consider it. Naked time is sexy time, and blowing ass, not so sexy. My eyes seemed to have gained all the weight at lunch, because my eyelids are drooping. There’s not too much left for the scene, but the days been a long one. They get back to it, and instantly my eyes revert back to a more caffeinated state. Ok, second DDPS position. I start to think that this might very well be the only filling sandwich that actually burns calories the more you enjoy it. Forget Atkins, start in on the DDPS Diet. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle though. In the beginning it’s a little confusing but when the legs and pussies, er, uh, pieces start falling into place, its magical. Brett has to assist in the stacking, and does so with great ease. Don’t play Jenga with this man. This double decker is a helluva lot hotter than the ones you can pick up from Taco Bell, especially when Roxy whispers, “It’s mine, Its mine.” And “slap me, slap me” Eventually she cleans Bitoni’s long feet with her tongue. And Bitoni, to my surprise, does something extremely hot. She begins grinding her snatch against Roxy’s thigh while Deen rails Roxy. Like a little Chihuahua, ok, now I’m looking around the room for another serving of cum, hoping that Pistol, or even a crew member can come by and just drop one on my face or something. I really need to get the hell out of this place and get laid. Brett calls for the pop. A man I call Carl mouths across the room how hot Roxy is. I say I know, and that she’s my wife. He high fives me and says I deserve a trophy, I tell him she’s on the bed. Deen pops all over Bitoni’s massive jugs and Pistol rushes in, telling me that its official, he got the directing job. Reality TV captures this moment. I like that crew more and more, the camera becoming less and less invasive. Brett congratulates everyone on an excellent scene and goes on to be interviewed for the Canadian show. The two Naughty America directors chat it up as I follow the hot, cum drenched, naked chicks out to the showers.